First, let's define our terms: A fetish is a thing (a boot, a breast, a burqa, a chastity belt) or an action (watching, being watching, spanking, being spanked) that the Fetishist invests with great power, sometimes with great sexual power, sometimes with great religious power, sometimes both.

In the classic sense, the "fetishist" objectifies, glorifies and downright deifies the object, or body part, or behavior, above and beyond any mere human being… Take the foot fetishist. For him--or her, but usually him--a beautiful foot is the Foot of the Goddess. In fact, the foot itself is the Goddess. Or the leather fetishist for whom the smell, look and feel of leather is just heavenly, intoxicating, powerful. Then there are the pain fetishists, the martyrs, the bad boys and naughty girls who love to be punished, restrained, tied up, spanked. Often, they fetishize childhood.

Many of our fetishes stem from childhood or adolescence, intense personal experiences that left an impression in the form of a sexual fetish. But fashion can also be a source of fetishes, and fetishes can be very fashionable.

Not all fetishes are in fashion all the time, of course, and the people who struggle most with "fetish guilt," who worry that they're weird ("Am I normal, Dr. Block?") are the ones with the unfashionable fetishes… Sometimes their entire angst stems from nothing more than being acutely out of fashion.

Take guys who like to wear silk stockings, but happen to live in the 21st century, as opposed to the 18th century when many very manly men, like our Founding Fathers, for instance, wore silk stockings.

What else can be a fetish? Well, anything really. There are body part fetishists who worship feet or breasts, buns or hair. Then there are object fetishists who like to be intimate with inanimate objects: the shoes, the panties, the bra, the hat, the handcuffs, the dildos, the cold steel, the cyberskin.

Then there are what I call "action fetishists." The voyeurs who fetishize watching. The exhibitionists who fetishize being watched. The oral and anal sex fetishists. The masturbators of every stroke and style.

Then, there are the "feeling fetishists." More socially acceptable, perhaps, but just as compulsive. Adrenaline junkies fetishize danger. Romantics fetishize love. Drama Queens fetishize suffering. Terrorists fetishize violence. Fascists fetishize power.

Many people have a fetish for money. That might be the most popular female fetish, next to love. Many women can't enjoy sex unless they're being paid. Marriage is a socially sanctioned fetish. We're only SUPPOSED to enjoy sex in marriage. If it's not a fetish, I'll eat my boot.

But back to the classics: bondage, sadism, masochism, transvestitism. The origin of fetish terms like these is in the work of the 19th century psychologist Richard von Krafft-Ebing. In his Psychopathia Sexualis of 1885, Krafft-Ebing was also the first to recognize the difficulty of drawing the line between fetish and "normal" sex when he said most lovers engage in "horseplay...just for fun" and that doesn't make them sado-masochists.

These days, the word "fetish" is so trendy, it's almost meaningless. It usually is used to mean "sexual interest," not the classical fetishist who cannot perform sexually or enjoy sex without incorporating the fetish. Nowadays, all kinds of people go to Fetish Balls, dress up in corsets, latex, 8-inch heels, pointy toed boots.

I was on Discovery Health Channel's "Berman & Berman Show"--which is very hot if you've got a fetish for sexy female doctors who are also sisters, throwing in a hint of the incest fetish there--when the subject was "fetishes." Their most urgent question was is this normal? Can true diehard "fetishists" have "normal" sex lives? I was tempted to say, "No, Doctors Berman, your exhibitionist-voyeur fetish that you expose through your own teasterama TV show is NOT normal; it's perverse, so get down on your knees, buns in the air, and suck my sandals."

I was wearing these very fetishistic leopard print high-heeled sandals. But I didn't say it. I'm just not sadistic enough for that. Besides, I kind of liked the Berman sisters. They've got a sexy little Sister Act going on. So I said, "Yes, fetishists can have what we call normal lives… Just incorporate the fetish into your life in a positive way."

Can your marriage benefit by exploring your fetish? Well, it's usually better than the alternative, ie., repressing it so that one of you runs into the arms of a lover or over the knee of a dominatrix. Exploring fetishes is risky business, like any great adventure. But I've seen many couples resolve their issues with rage, peacefully and relatively safely channelling their violent impulses through playing responsible S&M games together. Surrender & Power Trips. It can even help to reduce domestic violence... It's the Bonobo Way.

Can you become addicted to a fetish? Of course! Anything pleasurable in life can be addictive. The best things in life are addictive. Including, hopefully, this Journal. Develop a fetish for it, baby. You know, I've got a fetish for you.